this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
