Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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