i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
