Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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