Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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