first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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