Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
