Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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