The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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