I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
