Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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