I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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