maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
