Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
