yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
