We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
