in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
