A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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