He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i out mim tonsoeep
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