the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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