dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
