Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
