the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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