Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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