is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
