Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
