i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
