dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
