Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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