you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
