i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
