She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
