I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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