Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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