I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
