I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
