I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
