Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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