Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
FUCK WHALES
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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