These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
