FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
