What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
