Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
