I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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