Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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