"it" just moved
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
