if you like me you must not know who I am
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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