hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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