so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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