what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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